[ sam nods his head with a smile, didn't expect steve to have done but it's a good way to lead into simple conversation. he talks casually, relaxed even though they're sitting on the ground in a random alleyway. easy as you please, for days and days. ]
Wasn't just a bird for kicks, y'know. I was a pararescueman, flyin' into the hottest zones you could find in our war to carry people back out of it. Did that for awhile - longer than Steve was on active service, actually.
[ and you, he doesn't say, because he doesn't know how much barnes remembers of the european theater and doesn't want to put him on that spot. it's casual, friendly, almost teasing; there's a slight smirk before it fades into a softer smile, almost sad. he lets his head rest against the wall and looks somewhere above barnes as he continues. ]
'til I couldn't do that anymore. Needed some time to myself, to figure out what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. And that took a long time. Spent most of it just ... angry, and confused. Missing something that I wasn't ever gonna get back.
[ a beat, and he looks back at barnes with a sort of brightness to his eyes, something sincere and passionate, even when it's pained. ]
Eventually figured out that I wanted help people, as much as I can and wherever I can. I wanted be the guy you could call when you think there's no one else that would answer.
[ another beat, longer than the last. trying to let that settle in, maybe, or just giving barnes times to decide what exactly that means. sam isn't his counselor and he won't try to be, not if it isn't welcome, but it's important to him when people are important to him; barnes might a stranger by all accounts, but he's important, to steve and to america and to sam, personally, because he's so much more than anyone could ever hope to imagine. ]
You don't gotta talk about it now, or ever if you don't want to, but I want you to know that about me. My metaphorical door is always open if you ever want it, B.
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Wasn't just a bird for kicks, y'know. I was a pararescueman, flyin' into the hottest zones you could find in our war to carry people back out of it. Did that for awhile - longer than Steve was on active service, actually.
[ and you, he doesn't say, because he doesn't know how much barnes remembers of the european theater and doesn't want to put him on that spot. it's casual, friendly, almost teasing; there's a slight smirk before it fades into a softer smile, almost sad. he lets his head rest against the wall and looks somewhere above barnes as he continues. ]
'til I couldn't do that anymore. Needed some time to myself, to figure out what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. And that took a long time. Spent most of it just ... angry, and confused. Missing something that I wasn't ever gonna get back.
[ a beat, and he looks back at barnes with a sort of brightness to his eyes, something sincere and passionate, even when it's pained. ]
Eventually figured out that I wanted help people, as much as I can and wherever I can. I wanted be the guy you could call when you think there's no one else that would answer.
[ another beat, longer than the last. trying to let that settle in, maybe, or just giving barnes times to decide what exactly that means. sam isn't his counselor and he won't try to be, not if it isn't welcome, but it's important to him when people are important to him; barnes might a stranger by all accounts, but he's important, to steve and to america and to sam, personally, because he's so much more than anyone could ever hope to imagine. ]
You don't gotta talk about it now, or ever if you don't want to, but I want you to know that about me. My metaphorical door is always open if you ever want it, B.