[ A tiny Asian girl suddenly pops up in your path, her smile wide and a bit manic. ]

Hello! I'm Kami Glass writing on behalf of The Nosy Parkerette, and if you have a moment I'd like to ask you a few questions about our sudden predicament. How do you feel about being abducted by fairies for potential blood sport, do you believe in Peter Pan, and what's the worst nightmare you've ever had?

[ Fairies are real? Tell Kami something shocking, like, the world actually is flat and the moon really is made of cheese. Beings of incomprehensible power attempting to manipulate her for their own ends? Must be Tuesday. Being kidnapped at least is new, and she's not happy about that. ]