fairynuff | you make my heart beat faster

( it's ok, she knows hers was blather too. don't worry. she cares about all of it. )

Annoyed and hurt are different. I was just... Confused. You're kind of confusing. Okay? But you haven't hurt me.

[ you're confusing ]

I'm not confusing! [ says the most confused person ever ] I keep telling you things and you don't listen!

You know, you don't have to snap at me. ( she purses her lips. ) You are confusing. Just because you explain things doesn't make them any clearer.

I'm not — [ he is and he recognises it ]

[ fine; no more snapping, even if it's his go-to in pushing people away ]

How am I even confusing?

Azula would say there's nothing confusing about me! [ along with other great things that would do such wonders for his character

he's zuko; he's simple ]

Azula clearly didn't know what she was talking about. That, or, you know, she had the advantage of knowing you your entire life. I haven't had that advantage. ( she'd like to. ) You're just... ( suddenly she looks... flustered, almost, and her cheeks turn bright red, and she won't make eye contact with him. ) - You're confusing, okay? You just are.

[ azula is a people person

she knows ]

How? [ he is legit concerned over this ]

Toph would say I'm as simple as a lilly liver. [ he still doesn't know what that is btw ]

( could swear that actual storm clouds are starting to gather around her head because of her feelings right now might be happening mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmight be a thing )

Because! ( yeah, she's two years old, what of it??? she huffs in true teenager fashion. ) First of all, you're like - the most closed off and emotionally distant person I have ever met, and trust me, that's pretty impressive. You're super -- guarded, I guess, and I get that! I know what that's like! But haven't I already shown you that I don't bite? Plus, you -- ( she just groans frustratedly and drags her hands down her face. ) Forget it.

[ spirits ]

[ none of that actually sounds very positive, though; zuko doesn't intend to be anything like that, and he opens his mouth to repeat i'm not, but if he's as frustrating as she says he is, then he has to ask one thing: ]

Then why do you even want to be my friend?

Because I like you. And sometimes? Sometimes, you don't do confusing things. You're really -- you're just -- I like you. It's as easy as that. You confuse me. But I still like you. I wish you'd open up to me more. But that doesn't make me like you less. Why does being confusing have to be bad?

It's usually seen as a bad thing. I'm always confused. I was confused and it lead to ... [ bad things, like him betraying uncle :c but he sighs, because it's an excuse she'll call out for being confusing and closing himself up ]

[ she wants him to open up? well, he'll do that by unlocking his door and nudging it open the tiniest bit with his foot ]

It's hard being here ... There are people who know me as a me I'm not. I'm not that Zuko. I don't even know who that Zuko is! [ he kind of thinks he's like twenty-something, not eighty ... ] I don't even know who I am. And it's hard because Toph's not here to distract me by being her. [ he misses being faceplanted with boulders ]

I've been alone for three years. [ and more, the moment mom had left had begun his tumble from ozai's perception of grace ] It's a habit that's difficult to break.

What? It lead to what? See, you always do that. You start to tell me something, and then it's like you think I'm going to bite your hand off or something if you do. The sheer amount of times you drop a thought like it's a hot potato -- ( she rakes a hand through her hair and is u p s e t.

well. okay. this is something, at least. she calms, considerably, and there it is again - all over her face, seeping into every annoying little crack. worry. worry, worry, fret, fret, zuko, what has your life been? :c )

Maybe you're going to be that Zuko. And maybe you don't need a distraction. What's so hard about believing that there are people who know you from the future, who know what you might become? I know it's probably weird. But I've looked at things in the past, things I wasn't alive to see, and it was hard to believe at first - but it existed. I'm sure the future could work the same. Maybe they see something you just haven't had the chance to see yet. Have a little faith in yourself.

( then she reaches, tentatively, for his hand, and she takes it. ) Well, get used to not being alone. I'm not going anywhere.

Because I'm ashamed of what I did! It's bad enough The Boy In The Iceberg includes all my failures!

[ this is what he had said to toph. she's represented as this brave and tough figure, with all her achievements remembered and acknowledged in a rather horrible play. but zuko? he's reminded of all of his failures. he's reminded of everything he's ashamed of. it's a hard pill to swallow, especially when he wishes to wipe his own slate clean but his own hands refuse to do such an action. ]

[ he doesn't deserve it. ]

And that's the worst play I've ever seen in my life. It makes that one time they tried to turn Love amongst the Dragons into a musical look like a good move. And they butcher it all the time!

Edited (I PICKED AN ICON, I SWEAR.) 2014-10-12 03:37 (UTC)

[ it's then he realises her hand is grasping his once again. ]

You don't get it. [ it's as though all the anger coursing through him dissipates, leaving his strong and stiff bones liquified. he sounds defeated. ] I've been told I'm a disappointment all my life. What if I disappoint them by being me instead of the Zuko they know? They know me as Fire Lord Zuko. I'm not even the Prince Zuko the Fire Nation remembers. I was banished by my own father. I'm still considered a traitor.

[ but he doesn't want to be seen as that anymore. doesn't that count for something? (to zuko, no. it's too little.) ]

I know I can fix it. My friends forgave me for what I did to them. But what if I do something bad to these guys that makes them lose faith in the Zuko of their time?

[ he's thinking too hard, doc; this time stuff is way too confusing. ]

( though his concerns are certainly valid, she has no idea what the boy in the iceberg or love amongst the dragons happen to be. even when he explains that they're plays, musicals, she's still... well. confused. it's probably because of how little she really knows about the world he's from, and how little she knows about his life story, because he won't just fucking tell her what happened to him to make him so damaged. )

Zuko...

( she wants to say something like 'everyone makes mistakes', wants to say something to comfort him... but she's worried that it'll come across as placating, and empty. she doesn't want it to be empty. she worries at the inside of her cheek for a moment. )

Just because someone decided to take out their problems on you when you were young doesn't mean it's true. There's nothing about you I've seen so far that's disappointing. Confusing - like I said - but not disappointing. ( she dares to go so far as to thread her fingers with his and squeeze. ) No offense, but your father sounds like an asshole who didn't deserve to have a son like you anyway.

( he just seems like a good person to her. lost. hurting. but a good person. he reminds her of herself, when she first came to chance harbor... and now, again. no family left but diana, who couldn't stand the thought of staying near her. her fingers close just a little tighter. )

If you're ashamed of what you've done in the past, and if you're trying to fix what you've damaged, why in the world would you do something bad? Accidents happen. People make mistakes. These people aren't going to lose faith in you. If anything, I bet you'll show them a reason to have more faith in you. You just need to -- ( she needs to distract him. so in a moment of boldness, she turns her face up toward his and just kisses him, good and hard, right on the mouth. )

Edited (pick the icon and forget the important part in writing go me ) 2014-10-12 04:07 (UTC)

[ there'd be a massive block of introspection of zuko internally metaing over the father comment, but cassie's — ]

[ — well. she's doing the thing. ]

[ for the first few seconds, he's shocked, taken off-guard when he can almost predict the movements of whoever it is he happens to be battling. but this isn't a battle, nor is it even an agni kai. his wide eyes close on instinct as he opens his mouth beneath hers, the hand she's not currently occupying threads through her hair. ]

[ it's as if the feel of her hair wakes him up from what it is they're doing. he pulls away, but not without the back of the hand threaded through her hair brushing lightly down her cheek before it flops uselessly against his side. ]

You talk about me being confusing.

[ it's unfortunate he doesn't have a coupon to shove between them in a bid to distract her. ]

( cassie's just starting to lean in more, to get a grip on confidence, to get into it, when his lips leave hers behind. there's a clench of insecurity in her stomach; what if he never talks to her again. worse - what if kissing him means he's put off by her now, enough to hold her at arm's length, never letting her any closer? the fear flashes across her face for less than a split second before her eyes catch his. at least he's not pushing her away completely. his hand in her hair feels nice... even better on her cheek.

then the moment's over, and her eyes fall away just like his hand. )

I like you. For you. And since you don't like you, enough that you don't listen when I tell you I do, I -- ( she pauses for a moment to breathe, and gather herself back up because this feels a little like rejection. ) - thought I would show you, instead.

[ he is pretty dense. but where she has been stating it in very simple terms in english her own intentions, even the kiss makes things even more muddled up and difficult to process. ]

And ... [ he isn't even sure where he's going with this. he really should step away, but he doesn't. ] You still like me. [ since nothing seems to deter her, he can only guess as much. it's odd having someone be so stubborn in their belief in him, but it's a source of even more confusion and discomfort zuko's uncertain of how to even tackle. ] I like you, too ...

[ but, you know, inner peace, stilettos, him being dumb, her deserving better, etc etc. ]

( she tilts her head to the side slightly, brows knitting together. ) Of course I still like you. I wasn't kissing you for my health. ( the last couple of words come out as a chuckle, and her lips form a smile. she finds one of his hands, a free hanging one, and laces her fingers with his. he looks so uncertain still, though, and it worries her. ) So, then... why does it feel like you're about to tell me you can't do this?

[ if you're ever cold, you can snuggle up against him. he's practically a space heater. ]

[ his gaze is downcast. ] Because I can't. [ he just can't. that's how he feels. but it's nothing like how he felt he couldn't move when he'd returned to the fire nation and had been confused and lost and so angry over how he felt he didn't know how to discern wrong from right anymore. he's just a little stuck. ] I have Mai. And I don't want to lose her again.

[ it's kind of terrifying thinking of being without her. mai's the closest thing he has to a best friend in the fire nation. she's always been a presence in his life, welcoming him back to the fire nation with a slight curve to her mouth. even with he deep breath in, it doesn't quite help him shift himself out from where he's utterly confused. exhaling, ] And then there's you. Either way, I'm going to lose. [ he's used to being a loser, but not to this extent; if he trucks on, there's a chance he'll lose cassie, anyway. he'll definitely lose mai if he does. and if he doesn't, there's still a good chance he loses both of them. ]

[ life is #hard when honour is involved. ]

( it feels like a slap to the face. mai. always mai. she isn't even here. there's a spark of resentment deep down, a little voice whispering that she could have him if she wanted, nothing was stopping her. she swallows it down. it's darkness, and it's bad for everyone involved, and this is zuko. her eyes rim with moisture and she pulls her hand free, opting instead to step back from him and encircle herself with her arms. she tugs at the hems of her sleeves, balls them into her palms. she can't look at him. ) She's not here. I am.

( and who's to say he'll even remember her when he goes back? it isn't like it would hurt him in the long run. right? unless this girl shows up here. cassie knows what that might feel like. she imagines it's what diana felt like when things developed between she and adam. but that... that, she couldn't help. still. the more he talks, the angrier he gets, and her tone changes. ) Why are you so convinced that everything's going to end badly? It's like you're hell-bent on making yourself miserable.

( her voice is angry, spiteful, but not without hurt behind it. she's trying not to cry, and it's painfully obvious. )

Edited 2014-10-17 05:28 (UTC)

[ mai could come, that's the problem. what's he meant to do if mai were to appear at a feast held in either court and he happens to do as cassie wants? it's another journey of trying to figure out what's right; he doubts it'll be as easy as following his gut, it easier said than done to tell ozai just waht he thinks of him. turning his back against his father had perhaps the hardest thing he has ever done in his young life. but choosing one person over another isn't something zuko believes himself ever equipped to do. he'd chosen a cause over uncle out of fear, but he had always chosen uncle when it came to him being pitted against someone else. ]

[ it's not an outburst; he speaks with a solemn tone, ] It always ends badly. [ but it hasn't lately. as far as he knows, he's with mai in the future korra, bolin, and mako are from. who else would he be with if not her? though, they haven't spoken of any fire lady, perhaps coming from a few years after he'd been crowned fire lord after the defeat of his father. but he has accomplished what he is about to set out to do. they greet him with a respect that doesn't seem forced. ] What am I supposed to do if she comes here? I never thought to ever think about being able to meet people from my future. I always wondered about what the future would be like. But I never thought I would meet people from it. And I have here. Anything seems to be possible. And Mai coming here ... [ complicates things to the extreme; she's a close friend, the only friend from home, and someone he had thought he'd spend the rest of his life with. she comes with a heavy dose of what zuko has yearned for since he had taken to his exile and properly returned home. it's peace. ]

I'm going to lose you both. [ even if mai never arrives, he'll lose her in some capacity, thinking of her less and less, wishing she were here while also longing for her to never appear in the drabwurld. if she were to arrive, he'd lose cassie. even if she never did, he'd close cassie again by putting up walls and pushing her away. regardless of what he decides, he ends up walking a lonely road without even an ostrich horse to keep him company. ]

you make my heart beat faster

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only because it's a meme comment, i will show you mercy for once ...

tyvm i appreciate such generosity

your soul now, please

but you made me cry would i give my soul to a crymaker would i WOULD I??

yes.

oh ok

please cry into this jar ...